grumble grumble.

i think i'm going to punch financial aid in the face.

sure, they advanced me the money since my checks haven't come in.

but still.

i need that overage money now. D:

i so can't go another week with no books.

i'm probably going to fail spanish and psychology because of this.

fml.

otherwise, it's almost the weekend :D

only about 30 minutes of class left, then i'm out till 4:50 on monday.

scoooore.

i'm doing well in drawing 1.

and graphic design is just badassss.

i love that class.

so tell me.

why do i even need info tech?

i sorta don't think i'll need excel.

i could be wrong.

but hey, it's killing me right now.

it's so boring. D:

my tummy is hungry.

bleh.

rawr again.

i added a tagboard.

so yeah.

>.>

go write something.

:D

rawr.

college is tiring.

but we have to do it anyway right?

so drawing was today again.

and you know how i hate drawing realistically.

and we're doing gesture drawing.

which i'm not extremely great at.

my professor commented a couple times on how i'm good at placement.

WELL DUH.

don't mean to brag, but when it comes to page composition, i'm pretty b.a.

i did go to WU my first year after all.

i'm excited for tomorrow though.

it's been way too long since i've been in my design class.

monday was mlkj day, so of course we didn't have class.

so i missed out on it.

but it's coming tomorrow.

and i'm stoked.

we're working in illustrator.

which surprises me extremely.

but i'm looking forward to what we're doing.

otherwise, i'm mad tired.

no one wants me to sleep these days.

and the combination of stress and walking up and down campus five million times a day probably contributes to that.

i've realized my need of a xbox.

more importantly xbox live.

so my birthday is this june.

just saying.

i'd have the most ridic awesome gamertag ever.

i helped my friend justin with his new gamertag.

xbox refuses to use the word twat.

i don't see why.

it's a fun word to say.

it's one of my favorites too.

so we had to put a h in twat so it'd work.

that's it for now.

just thought i'd update while i had the time in class.

my professor is going over something, but i'm barely listening.

it's not that important.

:D

zoom zoom zoom.

you make my heart go boom boom.

i remember memorizing that entire song in the 5th grade.
such a simpler time when my biggest grief was when Justin Timberlake & Brittney Spears broke up.
though even then, there were much larger problems.
i don't remember having a real childhood.
i had to grow up at such a young age to deal with the constant stress in my life.
so maybe that's why now i've reverted back.

maybe that's why watching dinosaur train & eating peanut butter/jelly (preferably strawberry)/fluff sandwiches make me happier than doing "normal" 19 yr old things.
my design class makes my heart flutter.
i wasn't sure how i'd feel about graphic design having been out of school for so long.
but the first day back (having been monday) it was only five minutes into the class & i was already falling in love again.

we're already into an assignment, which makes me excited.

though upstate's design program allows you to use the computer, though you have to sketch and research stuff first.

it's a bit sad i suppose, considering i didn't get to touch a computer in my studio classes at winthrop until the second semester, and even then it was scarce.

doing things by hand captivated me more than i thought it would.

though nothing can replace the smart things computers can do that this nimble little fingers can't.

though life is still not perfect, things are getting a teensy bit better.

though i do mean teensy bit in the smallest way possible.

i've never felt more alone in my life than i have since the start of 2010.

people that used to be a constant hardly contact me anymore or don't talk to me at all.

i haven't seen my best friend since the last time we played video games, and i hardly remember what day that was.

i've missed his face.

and that other guy's face.

only two really.

i miss hearing his laughter.

and seeing the other guy's smile.

i miss both of their voices.

but i miss my confidence more.

the only thing that keeps me sane anymore is the idea of kicking ass in my classes.

OH!

everyone knows that i'm better with design.

drawing things like still life or people or whatever isn't my strong suit.

i have a childlike approach to drawing.

i hardly do well with realistic.

but in my drawing class on thursday, we had to draw a still life (like the second one i've ever done in my life) and then put it up on the wall for a small crit.

we didn't put our names on our paper so it'd be fair or something like that.

so when my professor was going on about stuff, she pointed out three or four (including mine) and said that those people probably had more experience and natural talent mapping out images and drawing them well.

i was like.. LOLWHUT?

me?

experience?

NO WAI. D:

haha.

it made me feel really good though.

i was scared about that class because i never really had to draw anything extreme in middleschool, highschool, or in my first year at winthrop.

so when i had to draw that still life, i was like.. oh gosh.

just a quick question, how does a cross make a vampire die?
i mean really..
he's not even touching her with it.
and she's just passing out on the bed.

or maybe it's a trick.
i'm not sure yet.

though on another subject, everyones gone crazy over vampire diaries.

i'm not interested.

i don't watch a lot of tv anymore considering i have class during "My name is Earl" on monday and wednesday and i have to go to bed at a nice time those nights for my early classes on tuesday and thursday.

it depresses me.

but an upside is that rhythm heaven is one of the best games for the ds.

i'm really good at it, better than my friend at least.

there's like 50 games to play on the surface, and i have 36 perfects atm.

and then the mini games on the next level are just ridic.

i think it's helped my senses some, since you have to listen carefully to beats.

anywho, i'm excited for valentine's day.

sure, it's a cliche and silly holiday.

but that romantic side of me can't help but love love.

plus, it lands on my favorite number, which is my favorite number for other reasons than candy hearts and fluffy teddy bears.

i prefer to not be alone on this holiday, or any holiday for that matter.

but this year, i don't think it'll hurt me as much as it used to.

i know there are people that care for me.

and at this moment, that's enough.

though it may be a different story in the morning considering i flip flop my emotions all the time.

which i apologize for.

when i get the money, expect a new tattoo.

idk what i'll get yet.

since i don't know how much money i can splurge when it gets here.

but it'll be fantabulous for sure.

and i'll probably get new lip rings if possible.

the one things i hate about south carolina is not being able to have cricket.

i have at&t, which is fine with me.

so many people have t-mobile.

and Verizon.

but cricket is wonderful.

at least the idea is.

while at&t, t-mobile, and Verizon usually charge prepaid costumer's around $60 for unlimited talk and text, cricket charges half that for what would be a plan, but isn't

they don't use plans apparently, and their prepaid isn't all that great.

but you have to be in an area that isn't roaming.

which woodruff happens to fall in what?

exactly.

so i can't have this wonderful phone.

60 dollars is just too much for my taste.

i could buy three tires for my car with that money.

now i'm rambling.

it's been a while since i've written, so ramblings good.

i don't like the new sprite logo.

a bottle of it is sitting next to me and i just noticed how weird it looks.

the half lemon half lime shouldn't constitute for the dot over the i.

or the tittle.

or is it tattle?

i'm not sure.

silly little letters.

in other news, one day i hope to go to Europe.

not for vacation or anything.

but for school.

for design.

my only true love.

other than InuYasha.

which i got to watch the other night.

if anyone ever wanted to give me the most amazing gift, they'd buy me the complete box set of all the seasons.

just a hint.

*coughcough*

idk what else to talk about.

i'm trying to type out everything so i can go back to sleep clear headed.

oh, i fell asleep at 10:30, and woke up at 3:00 with so many messages.

and a few phone calls.

i was like.. damn.

but these were messages from people i didn't want to talk to.

well most of them anyway.

i've thought of those tragic women in Shakespeare's works more and more often lately.

Juliet.

Portia.

Cordelia.

Ophelia.
and i wondered which i related to more.

i figure Ophelia.

she loved Hamlet so, but at the end of it she absorbed so much of his madness and became mad herself.

i can remember an instance when i felt like her.

i was bathing and when i wash washing my hear, i found i had leaves in my hair for reasons a few know that i cannot type out here or anywhere else on the internet.

very like Ophelia being in the stream and such.

didn't Virginia Wolfe drown herself?

i believe she did.

i cannot remember the name of the movie i'm thinking of, but that was tragic too.

i should read more often.

i miss having a book in my hands that i haven't read before.

i think i'm done for now though.

so good night.

or good morning.