I say I don't like it, but you know I'm a liar.

Whoever marries me is going to be the happiest man on the planet.
srsly.
I cooked tonight, and I don't mean to brag but um..
damn.
Can anyone say perfection?
These burgers do.
They sorta scream it though.
Ollivander likes to travel a lot.
he goes with me EVERYWHERE.
He's been to school, to Rock Hill, and he went to Simpsonville/Belton for the first time today.
He told me he wants to go to Spain next.
Other than that, I'm rather tired.
OLIVER NEEDS TO TALK TO ME ASAP.
because I miss him an awful lot, even if he doesn't miss me..
OH!
I'm officially done for the semester.
Go me :]
Let's hope I passed spanish, as I'm sure I did well in the rest of my classes.

moose

I named my moose.

Ollivander.

other's are still getting me to pick their names, but Ollivander is pretty damn moosey.

My last "exam" was today.

It was just a critique and such.

Hopefully soon I won't have migraines as much since the stress should die down a little.

A little.

Later on, unless momma freaks, I'm going to Rock Hill as my friend Zach plans on helping me with that ticket business.

And the urge for another tattoo (even though i REALLY don't have the money) keeps popping up.

It's an expensive addiciton.

And can anyone explain why I have the urge for a monroe piercing?

and the slight urge for a tongue ring as well.

moose on the loose

MOOSE MOOSE MOOSE.

I have a moose.

not an actual one.

but a mini moose.

I saw him in Good Will earlier today when I was with momma.

he's adorable.

I walked straight to him and had to have him.



momma was skeptical, but when she found out he was a dollar, she bought him for me.




he's the best moose.

I'm sure you're GREEEEEEEN. with envy obv.

it's never meaningless.

i love you.

x__x

cried for 3+ hours.

no sleep.

I've had one meal in the past 24 hours.

& I have a constant migraine.

One exam done.

Spanish, which was around 20 minutes ago.

I did well on some of it, but not all.

Next is info tech, which I can't seem to find a time for.

Then it's design and drawing I have to worry about.

If only this was all I had to stress over.

I wouldn't feel so sick to my stomach.

I'll probably end up dying by the end of this week.

I'm aching all over and I can hardly keep my eyes open.

And I've just realized, Idk why I use center alignment.

In a design sense, it's awful.

It makes large paragraphs hard to read as the individual viewing it doesn't have a common start or stop point.

instead, I've given you jagged edges.

Oh well.

I'm sure no one else noticed it.

My professor would.

& more than likely, he'd cringe.

good.

stfuplz.

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.

my god, does everyone speak this babble all the time?

the highlight of my week was thursday night & today around lunch.

last night I had my first time drawing live models.

nude of course.

drawing from life is pretty different.

they wouldn't stop twitching and moving their arms that was for sure.

then today I finally got to see some friends.

I visited the highschool.

Conversations about how cute I am, vaginas, & various other topics made it wonderous as always.

Last day of classes is monday.

then it's exams exams exams.

EW.

pray I do well?

I'll need it.

blue.

Besides not having internet in my room these days, I know have no unlimited texting.

I hardly get online anymore unless I'm in the lab in the Admin building (which is where I am now).

It's amazing no one comes down here.

There's 8 computers to my knowledge, all equipped with Adobe software.

And.

THERE'S COLOR PRINTING.

this lab should be the social spot for everyone on campus.

because you see, the only other color printing on campus is in the Design building.

but I suppose Nurses and Library geeks don't need color.

But that's such a sad life to lead.

I finally watched "This is It" with my mom today.

She started crying at the end because they ended the movie with one of her favorite Michael songs.

It was really good.

That tour would have been amazing if he wouldn't have died.

It's terribly heartbreaking really.

But anyway.

The nails on my left hand are a nice green, but I've yet to paint the right one.

I've been doing too much today to bother painting that side.

In less than two months I'll be 20.

More than likely no party.

Few gifts.

And I'll probably be doing nothing.

As this happens every year almost.

I've grown accustomed to it.

Though last year I had a party with Katey because our birthdays are the same day.

It turned out to be a disaster as I had my heart broken that day.

Then I almost bled to death.

so, birthdays aren't fun.

BURNED IS COMING OUT IN A WEEK!

The next book in the House of Night series.

I know I said i pre orded it.

But I had to cancel my order, blah blah blah, long story.

so I won't be getting it when it comes out.

but I will definitely be reading it asap.

PC & Kristen Cast sent out a teaser about a month ago and I wanted to bash my head in.

I've been excited for this new book for months.

And, I'm smiling again.

Even with impending doom at my fingertips, mountains of stress on my shoulders, & this ridiculous pain that won't go away, I've yet to feel sad today.

No, no ones given me roses (ew btw, I hate roses. so cliche).

No one made me a sandwich (losers).

I didn't win a million dollars (it could happen one day right?).

I'm not dating anyone new (thank god, I'd end up killing myself).

& I'm not talking to anyone (how can I with no phone or internet?)

Whether or not I'm free to do or be with who I want, I feel awfully inclined to stay this way.

It's like having a popsicle.

But you can't eat the popsicle because there's all these complications with the wrapper, and you have to give it time to settle down. (that made no sense at all).

But instead of getting a bowl of icecream, you're content to wait on said popsicle because it's your favorite and it's all that you want. (that made more sense hopefully).

I think that's about it.

I have class in 18 minutes.

so I should leave.

like now.

because the design building is a bit away from the admin building.

make that 17 minutes.

bai.

seriously.

I'm gone.

...

pineapple?

i love how nothing matters when i'm working on my final for design 1.

& if i have to draw one more sheet with stripes, i'm killing you.

yes you.

no, the person behind you.

to the left.

yes, exactly.

also.

should i skip info tech?

i don't think we're doing anything.

and if we are, i don't care.

i think i can skip again.

but i'm not sure.

i probably shouldn't.

hm.

tristisima

I only seem to be making more and more mistakes.

Queen of mishap land.

I feel like crawling under this desk and crying for the rest of my life.

Maybe I'd learn some spanish while I was at it.

blahblahblah

i wrote an entire blog then realized how ridiculous it sounded.
so i deleted it all.

basically.
i love design.
i hate being alone.
i miss you.
& i'm tired of this life.

easier yes?
no need for silly details.
women talk too much anyway.

green eggs

you want me when you can't have me.

but when i'm free to be yours, you don't want me anymore?

less than four.

Crying is unacceptable for now on.

Every 60 seconds I spend angry, depressed, worried, frustrated, is a minute I've wasted unhappily.

I'd rather be a sunflower than a junky tire.

what's with his leg?

Though I'm not sure why I continue to keep this, as hardly anyone reads it, I'm writing again.
I have a large stress on my shoulders today.
Besides the obvious pressure of school, home, and work (or lack there of), my love (or lack there of) life is being thrown into the mix.

either way I turn, I'm going to be ignored or not hear from someone for a while.
Let's try to figure this out shall we?
We'll say Steven and Wesley (names I gave the nude guys we were drawing in class today).
Well Steven is amazing, a bit messed up, a rather beaten up individual, but when he does talk to me, everything about me amplifies.
My smile.
My laugh.
My eyes.
Steven gets my sense of humor more than most.
He knows the troubles I go through, and can relate more than most too.
But..
Steven ignores me.
not just, I was busy couldn't talk sort of ignore.
Like, I'm not going to talk to you for four days even though I'll get online at least five times a day and change my default picture & delete my myspace.
Being ignored is what kills me the most.
It's like being rejected.
Plus, Steven's feelings aren't the same as my feelings for Steven.
As mine are perhaps more developed.
as I'm a girl obv.
but let's talk about Wesley.
He's beyond smart.
Caring though he hides his emotions at times.
Though it matters little to me, he's.. well off? in a round about way.
He shares my love of art.
And though he's not as fond of design as I am, he can appreciate it.
Wesley has stolen my heart at least twice.
He left me though when I needed him most.
And though I could be wrong, I think he needed me more than he knew at the time.
He's busy a lot, so talking is limited to every blue moon.
But which is worse really?
Do I prefer Steven?
the guy who, though makes me smile more than anyone, also makes me cry for a week straight by ignoring me.
or Wesley?
the guy who, made me fall for him so long ago & continues to warm my heart, who I've pictured in my future before, & who I always go back to in my thoughts, even though he's busy and at times cold?

or maybe, I should just move to Bolivia and raise frogs.
I'd rather not hear, neither of them, as that's not answering my question.
It's not about who wont hurt you, as everyone will.
No one is perfect.
Far from perfect.
It's about the one that hurts you the least though.
or at least knows they hurt you & knows they need to fix what they've broken about you.
at least in my opinion.

I just want to be 4 again.

I'm done with my rant for today.
Spanish was eh, Drawing was okay though I'm tired of drawing naked people on a screen (we're using virtual pose, not actual models sadly) and Info tech is in a hour.
At least I have design tomorrow, though I may not go as I don't have the gase to go both tomorrow and thursday for class.
eh.

oranges

Life is anything but glorious these days.

Apparently, I have a week before my mother. MY MOTHER. kicks me out.

I just find it funny that out of all of my old friends, I'm the one that ends up in this situation.

Did I get pregnant?

No.

Did I fail and not graduate highschool?

No.

Did I drop out of college and cause my family unbelievable debt?

No.

Do I smoke, drink, have sex, & do drugs every weekend?

No.

And yet, the old friends that do or have done such things are the ones that are set, with nothing to worry about.

Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth trying anymore.

and I find myself having thoughts that would scare your grandmother more than likely.

It's bad when you don't want to wake up in the morning.

And it's even worse when you can't even do your design homework without getting yelled at.

Am I done?

More than likely.

I don't have the strength anymore.