just missed the train.

I have no reason to do anything it seems anymore.
I've lost Winthrop, as it would take loan after loan to go there.
USC is the hardest to get in touch with, as I've already called a few times today and the lines were busy.
And I'm at the 7th temple of The legend of Zelda: A link to the past and I cannot kill the boss.
On top of that are juicy tidbits of despair and loneliness that only add to my distress.
Not to mention a constant headache caused by crying, troubled sleep, & vigorous video playing.
I do not have faith in my success.
I thought I was going somewhere last year, though I was going to make something of myself.
But after getting back for the summer, I've only made a fool of myself.
I let one person step all over me and then apologize when I told him I missed him.
Then I let another cause me to fall in love.
I absolutely hate love.
Yes, I indeed do.
I have a need to have a male figure in my life.
I didn't have my dad growing up, so I've always tried to fill that void.
That's why I'm always at my best when I'm in a relationship, as most of my friends (ex & ongoing) would tell you.
I'm at my happiest when I'm making someone else happy.
You'd ask then, why am I not dating someone?
Don't be fooled reader, it isn't that people haven't asked.
Someone actually asked me out a week ago.
I declined as politely as possible.
Other people have shown an interest, but I've buried myself underneath bad hair days, pajama bottoms, & my gameboy sp.
It may just be my diagnosis, but I'd say I'm depressed or at least close to it.
Every time I read or hear about you going away off to somewhere amazing, I cry.

Every time I think about you moving to the next state above, my heart aches.
Maybe, that's what's wrong with me.
I'm still in love with you.
Of course this would be totally unrequited.
It seems there's a limit to how long someone can love me.
It's just, you made me believe all of these wonderful things I knew weren't true.
You told me forever though I know forever is just a word.
When you said I was beautiful, I actually believed you.
I've only done that once before.
JD said I was beautiful one time, and I believed him because he wouldn't have lied to me.
I had trust in you.
and I gave you my heart.
I don't give up my heart to anyone..
Just like I don't give something I've painted or drawn to just anyone.
& I hope you don't think I'd give just anyone my meerkat.
There's a reason I had two of them.
If it holds no meaning to you, please give it back.
I already cry too much as it is, I'd rather not be proven wrong again.
If I deserve happiness, I'd like to see it.
I won't readily believe in happiness much anymore.
Even if I deserve it, I won't be getting much of it.

If I said I wanted you back, it wouldn't be a surprise.

If you said you wanted me back, I'd ask at what price?

I have eight fingers, how about you?

-off to call USC. again. (it's 12:16PM btw.)